gosh!!! i'm so pissed off right now!!! that's weird huh? u guys rarely or never seen me like this before. well, i usually restrain myself well. but this is outrageous!!! i'll be giving the best speech someone will ever ask for tomorrow if all had gone well as i have planned. but no, my voice just disappeared!!! ERRRRR!!! it was gone since yesterday, and i've thought that i would be already by tonight, but it doesn't seem to be.tomorrow will be a wretch. . well, once i got time to chilled down and relaxed a little, my spoiled cousin pushed her homework aside and have ME do it for her, FOR PEACE'S SAKE!! can't you do your homework yourself, just for once!?!?! and i was finishing up my leprecon drawing too (St. Patrick's Day's coming up, so i want to feel the sense of holiday for a bit) imagine how mad i am right now. and i couldn't even yell, not even a single "ARGH!"what is wrong with the world!! don't i deserve some peace for myself, especially this time of the year??

well, i'm calming myself down and detaching right now. sorry for my word choice, i couldn't find a better word to describe my furiosity that well. . . .

ps. i know you want to see me get totally out-of-control once in a while...admit it

i haven't updated this thing for ever. . .

i'm always to tired and exhausted to do so. works keep piling up and burying me, as if they are in the air or something. i'm still too tired and tried (i'm not using the word word) ,even now, to type so much. . . ..

i don't know why i should bother you with all my stress and everything so yeah, forget it . .. . . . i can't even draw anymore. i haven't drawn a thing for the past month or so. . . i feel so, lifeless. . .what i feel is actually a mixture of sadness, stress, tired, lonely, misunderstood and some others i can't really find the right words for

Finals are next week, got so many stuff to do in 3 days, we haven't even started on the speech for final yet . .  i'll probably fall apart by the end of next week, if i can even get that far. . .

It has been forever since I'd posted my last entry, I know. It wasn't that I didn't have time, it just slipped out of my head all the time. I don't know, may be I thought I was busy doing other things. Today I just feel like sharing something with someone, but it's always hard to say it. Doesn't it? Yeah. . . Well, nowadays since my classes had started assigning work by a truckload, I just spend all my day finishing all of them, trying to meet my own standard, what I used to be able to do back in the good old days when I only had one or two assignment per day (now, it's more like seven). . . After finishing all that and once I'm pleased with the quality of my work, I don't usually have time to do anything else I would like to, like go to the gym or whatever. . So sometimes I just begin thinking, doubting myself. And I doubted about myself, my meaning. Sometimes I just wonder about my life. Is that all to it? Just doing what I suppose to do and act happy? Is that it?. . . I don't know, but it really does seems kind of lonely on this side of the world, people minding their own business. You try to help, and all you get is a cold, empty 'thanks'. There's never seem to be enough time for anything. Everyone's in such a hurry, including me. I've been running around chasing the wrong thing, only to feel sorry about the thing I should have done. Yet, I'm still after it, despite everything. And once I realize it, it just kind of lays there on my mind. It gets harder and harder everyday trying to share it with someone who cares. That's maybe because I had, in some way, isolated myself from them, trying to continue my daily life without having the thoughts of them to pull me back. It suppose to be good, but I realize that it's not just moving on. Because once you try to get so far, you want to come back, but you couldn't since you've been detaching yourself from them for too long. It's too hard. Once I really have someone to confront with, the delight is just so overwhelming you don't really know what to say. And once you're done, they're just gone. They can't always be there to listen. So I ended up regretting over the thing I should have done. Sometimes I just look like the stupidest person on Earth. One that doesn't really know what she really want or what to expect out of everything. There's only so little time, yet it seems to be running ever so slow. . . .

And that's the end of my emotional depression, thanks for reading, I feel a little better now.

It has been a while since I have last posted a new entry here (11 days to be exact). Well, there was not much going on, so I didn't mind to post an entry anyway. So now I'm just posting a new entry because I'm bored to death. I've just finished my note on human geography and couldn't quite figure out which notebook to use  for my afterschool course starting next Tuesday, so yeah . .. . ..  and I still have to color my drawing of my closet (with a billion shirts and another thousand jeans ) Oh yea, I'm going to a haunted house this Saturday, I was forcefully forced to go (weird combination of words right there) So I still hope that something happens so I don't have to go. The only one I've been in was the one in Disney Land (which never scared anybody anyway) But yeah, I really don't want to go. . .

Well, I guess that's actually all . ..  I know, Freshmen life is pretty boring . . .. .  But anyway, miss you all

Got nothing to do now . .. .  not really though. ..  I just took the PSAT test today and realized that's there're more people taking it than I thought. Well, it was heck hard  Especially (or, actually, only) the fill-in-the-frigging-blank-if-you-dare questions in the critical reading section . . I was like  first (is it actually a word!?!?!) and then  ("So how am I supposed to answer this one") then  ("I just have to guess then") and finally  ("I'm dumb. "). . Ha ha, but it was kind of fun knowing how stupid one can be. The math was easy though, but I got ticked off by one of them  ("I used to know this thing!!") but yeah, once I think about it, it was actually me. . . ..

I bored you guys enough with the testing part. Well, after I was done, i went to the restaurant again, like usual, had something to eat (fried rice and mus-sa-mund i don't know how to spell it in Thai either) and sit there doing pretty much nothing productive. . .

Oh,yeah I totally forgot.. There was a homecoming football game at my school last night with Mt.Mcgill (or something like that) and yeah my school got in fights a lot cuz we're good at sports and we kind of enjoy annoying people. So there was a fight last night and someone got shot. My friend just told me this morning. She was going to ask me what happened because i thought i was going to go there last night (but it was too late and no one can pick me up).  And  . . glad i didn't go. Had i gone there, i would never get to go anywhere again = =